I’m tired. I’m sad. I wish I was home already. You’re too far away, and I’m nowhere near there. Heavy lids and hurting heart. Too many goodbyes. Too many. Too many. Too much of everything, not enough of what I need. I hope you’re okay, I hope we’re okay, I hope mistakes won’t ruin today and yesterday. Forgiveness is harder than I thought. Forgetting is not enough. Words aren’t enough. Can I hold you? Can I hold you and forget the world exists? Is it okay? Will it be okay. I’m sorry. I apologise to much. I need your arms. Your smile. Your comfort. I need… I need… I don’t know. I don’t know. Sorry. Sorry. Mistakes are easy. So easy. Home is so far away. Home is just a dream that’s turning into a nightmare. It’s okay. I’ll forgive. I’ll forget. It’s okay, it’s okay.
Oh my love, my poor poor love. Don’t you know what you’re letting yourself in to? Don’t you know that this will ruin you? Don’t you know, don’t you know? I’m no good, I swear I’m not. I break people. I break them so bad they never manage to become quite whole again. Oh, love, listen to me. Listen to me. I swear I’m not telling lies. Everything about me is a lie. I swear it. The way I walk, the way I talk, the way I smile, the way I look at you without ever really seeing you. Darling, darling, you’re swimming in shark infested waters, skating on thin ice, bailing out a sinking ship. Don’t you realise that I’m only doing this because I can? I’m leading you into a maze of uncertainty. I’m giving you everything you think you want, I’m being everything you need, I’m doing all the right things. I’m your angel, your little star, your favourite soul. But I promise you I’m not really, actually those things. I’m broken. I’m breaking. And I’m doing the same to you. You don’t love me. You love who I have made myself. I do this to make you smile. I do this so I can make you feel like you’re loved, so you can feel stronger, smarter, braver. I let you protect me. I let you tease me. I let you, I let you. Why? Why… Because I can. Because I love the way you look at me. I love the way you drink me in in a single gaze. I love the way you can’t stop yourself. I love it because I can. I am vain and selfish, and the way you want me just strokes my ego. The way you need me gives me power. Oh, baby, you think you’re in control? You’re not, you never were, you never will be. Cause, see, I know when I lean over that counter and sit my elbows just so, you’re powerless. When I lie on my stomach, watching you through these pretty lashes, you’re powerless. When I complain that I’m cold and you offer me a cuddle and I nestle myself close, you’re done. I love the way you hold me, the way you grab my ass, run your fingers through my hair and pin me down. I love feeling how much you want me. I love the way you explore every inch of me with your fingers, your tongue, your eyes, like you’ll never have enough of me. That little gasp as you finally feel me around you, nails digging, legs squeezing. Oh! You know how to do me. I love your passion, your control, your hunger for me. But I don’t love you. No, no, I don’t love you, I don’t love you. And you shouldn’t love me, you shouldn’t love me